Relationships · Journal of Applied FindingsNSFW
Landmark Study: Every Couple Contains Exactly One Thermostat Expert
The expert is always cold. The other party controls the thermostat. Science cannot reconcile this.
Lead Finding · Journal of Applied Findings
Experts Confirm Meetings Shorten Attention Spans, Schedule Follow-Up
A longitudinal study of calendar invites finds the average agenda item outlives the average attendee.
Lifestyle · The Quarterly Guess
Houseplants Found to Judge Owners, Withhold Photosynthesis
Ferns scored highest on quiet disapproval; succulents reported feelings of being overwatered and underestimated.
Technology · Annals of Preliminary Conclusions
Standing Desks Reported to Spend Most of Day Sitting
The desks, purchased in a spirit of renewal, now hold the printer.
Technology · International Review of Obvious Results
Inbox Zero Declared Physically Impossible by Panel of Physicists
The unread count is conserved: it can be archived, snoozed, or marked read, but never destroyed.
Latest Findings
Health · Annals of Preliminary Conclusions
Double-Blind Study Finds Kale Tastes Like Punishment
Participants could identify the kale blindfolded, earplugged, and in a different building.
Economy · The Quarterly Guess
Economists Concede Forecasts Were Vibes All Along
A review of forty years of projections finds the models were confident, detailed, and decorative.
Health · International Review of Obvious Results
Researchers Recommend Coffee Before Coffee
The preliminary coffee prepares the palate, the schedule, and the soul for the main coffee.
Technology · The Quarterly Guess
Group Chats Survive Entirely on Members Who Muted Them
The muted comprise 83 percent of membership and 0 percent of the 4,000 weekly messages.
Science · Annals of Preliminary Conclusions
Weekend Found to Be Shorter Than Week, Panel Cannot Explain
Two days against five: the arithmetic has been checked repeatedly and holds.
Economy · Journal of Applied Findings
Savings Accounts Diagnosed With Chronic Shyness
Balances reportedly prefer not to be looked at directly and grow only when unobserved.
Lifestyle · The Quarterly Guess
Going for a Walk Solves Everything, Except the Thing
Participants returned refreshed, clear-headed, and in full possession of the original problem.
Relationships · International Review of Obvious Results
Couples Who Found Parking Together Stay Together
Correlation 0.97. Causation remains, as ever, circling the block.
Health · Annals of Preliminary Conclusions
Office Workers Photosynthesize Only During Holidays
Bloodwork confirms the workforce runs on fluorescent light and spite.
Technology · Journal of Applied Findings
Recommendation Algorithms Confess They Are Just Guessing Loudly
The machine has seen 4,000 of your clicks and concluded you like clicking.
Health · Journal of Applied Findings
Napping Declared a Form of Research by Researchers Asleep
The desk has reviewed the evidence and found it adequate.
Science · International Review of Obvious Results
Weather Small Talk Reaches Perfection, Further Study Cancelled
The desk has reviewed the evidence and found it adequate.